Texture Tuesday:: The Times Two eDition

For this week's Texture Tuesday, I chose to edit a bouquet of flowers I photographed last week that were sent to the family after my mother-in-law passed away. 

In loving memory of a beautiful, dynamic, complex, feisty, loving, giving, selfless woman. I miss you already. 

xo

Sympathy Bouquet

{texture 1: return @ 26% fill}

{texture 2: partings @ 31% fill}

Turning mistakes into gold

Spring has sprung and I'm loving it. Flowers, flowers everywhere! Pretty little delicate subjects to photograph nonstop. Inspiration abounds.

 

So, I finally bit the bullet and purchased Lightroom 4 and Photoshop CS6 software, and cannot wait to begin tinkering with all the photos that have been sitting on my harddrive from my "big girl" camera. Because I have a few (tens of)thousands to go through...

 

And I took (not comfortable using the verb "made") a total of 505 photographs over the weekend, not including the 50+ on my iPhone and 8 polaroids from my vintage SX-70. I think I am happy with, oh I dunno, maybe let's say five photographs in all.

 

FIVE.

 

That's 1%! Is that normal? Or is everyone else out there so much more restrained and selective? Now granted, I am still practicing and learning and experimenting with my DLSR. Between exposure and depth of field and focal length and composition and everything else, I'll cut myself a little slack. I don't delete in camera. I'll use the 99% crappy images to learn from mistakes. At least that's what I am telling myself. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

xo

The pictures have...

Sometimes life deals you more than you think you can handle. In such trying moments, it's hard to feel hope (let alone see beauty) in much of anything. This is why I am grateful to always have a camera within short reach. Somehow the camera lens manages to discover beautiful moments despite the user's (my) mindset. Even if I can't appreciate the images at the time, at least they are saved to a memory card to reflect upon later.

 

For it's in those later moments that I often find grace and peace and solace. Despite everything else. This is what has the power to pull me back to a better place.  

 

Photography.

MFC:: Week 1

Mid-week Favorites Collection

Despite a sinus infection (me), an ear infection PLUS bronchitus (my son), and an as-yet-undiagnosed major health concern (my MIL), I am taking this opportunity to acknowledge that which I am thankful for this week.

I'M GRATEFUL

~ it's one day closer to a weekend spent at home (so I can catch up on laundry and finally begin the first phase of the great household purge project)

~ for coconut cake and herbal tea

~ for Vintique, DistressedFX, DeluxeFX and the new PicTapGo iPhone photo-editing Apps

~ a little rain is on the way this weekend (to keep me at home to accomplish number 1 on this week's list)

~ for Martha Beck and her magically inspirational books

~ to still have a full season of Downton Abbey to catch up on

~ and last but not least, Pearl Jam

What are you giving thanks for this week?

Just Breathe

A new day has dawned

Let go of the past
Be open to possibilities

Find solace in nature
Capture the moments

Drink the sun's energy

Embrace change 
Listen to your soul
Follow your heart
Trust your intuition

Turn mistakes into gold

Above all else, Yield

The road the old man paved

She's standing naked

Ok, so I am really NOT a vain person - I promise you that much. I know all too well my flaws and my short-comings. 

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. (And more...)

But after participating in Susannah Conway's Blogging from the Heart course, I discovered a love of photography. Well, more like an obsession. Ok, let's call it a passion. Something about the BFTH journey awakened my creative spirit and rejuvenated my senses. Especially considering my writer's block and all...

So, I decided to go for it and take Susannah's Photo Meditations: Infusing Your Images With Soul course...Holy shit! What struck me was that sometimes I could actually create something from nothing that I could be somewhat proud of - that a handful of images captured using my crappy iPhone weren't all that bad. Not great, but not THAT bad. At least one in ten I could say, "Yes, I kind of like that one".

And then, about three days in, I began seeing everything in a totally different light. LITERALLY. Seeing, noticing, visualizing - being more aware and present and in the moment. Around every corner I saw images that spoke to me; begging to be photographed; captured in ways I'd never thought of before.

Not that any of my photographs are (or every will be) award winning, mind you. In fact, they're SHITE in comparison with real professionals, and even most amateurs. But still, my photos made me happy and somewhat proud at times. Thank you very much.

"I did that?" 

Out of this grew a hunger to learn more. I yearned to ingest anything and everything I could about the creative medium...but there's just so much, and it's overwhelming to the point where I wanted to give up. 

"Who am I to think that I can do this?"

But, you know what, I am not going to. Give up, that is. I'm loving it. It's healing and therapeutic and something that actually brings a sense of joy to my everyday life. And that is saying something, considering I find little joy or happiness on most days.

Now I am at the point where if I don't take at least a handful of photos everyday, I feel empty and somewhat deflated. Without a camera of some sort at hand, I feel lost.

Ok, so now back to the real reason for this post…the reason it will probably be deleted on the morrow. There was a lesson in this Photo Meditations course that made me pause and think. Really, really think.

"THE BIG REVEAL" 

What??? A self-portrait showing skin??? My own skin??? Nudity even??? Oh, hell no! It truly floored me. And made me feel just a little bit uneasy. Apprehensive…

This is the reason I started out by promising you that I am really not a vain person. Plus, let me also say that I usually despise myself in photographs. However, I realize as a 40+ woman, I need to get the hell over that already. I need to begin to see myself differently. I need to look past the wrinkles and the grey hair and the sagging skin. I need to force myself to recognize that I am worthy. I am somebody. 

I am ME. Bags, sags and all.

So, with a lump in my throat and my stomach in knots, here goes nothing…

Ha, well it's no nude selfie, but it's still breaching my comfort zone…

Maybe next time, kids. MAYBE.

And if you're really that curious about my tentative venture into "selfies", perhaps you should go check out the Instagram link on the right…

:)