Plan B

Since I just can't get myself to write in that pretty journal I picked up in Siena this summer, I decided to make a "Target run" today. 

I didn't quite settle for those utilitarian composition books some suggested, but I have a feeling this one will do the trick...

I am shamefully behind on my Blogging from the Heart lessons. Well, at least the part of the lessons that require actually writing. I've been reading and watching and thinking about my answers - just not actually writing anything down. 

But, thankfully, it's FRIDAY (*sigh*), and I have the entire weekend to play catch up. 

Starting tomorrow.

Yep. I can just see myself with a strong cup of coffee, sitting on the couch in my pj's, with my colored pens and cheap-o Mead spiral bound journal...diving right in. Clearing my mind of the work week and giving myself over to creative energy.

Tomorrow.

Tonight, it's a glass of wine, some flat bread pizza, and a week's worth of recorded House Hunters International episodes.

Living history

A large part of my life- and my life's passion- is travel. This past weekend, I visited Philadelphia for the first time. I met up with a girlfriend who lives in Connecticut for some sightseeing, good food, some adult bevvies, a lot of laughs, and (of course) our favorite band.

Here's a few memorable moments captured with my camera phone.

An historic building...

and a history lesson

A statement through public art...

And some history in the making...

As well as the historic aftermath...

And closing on a high note...

Blank slate

There is something about a new journal. Perhaps it's the allure of all those blank pages; the power of so much wide open possibility; the intrigue of all those juicy secrets just waiting to be told.

When my family would go for our annual summer vacation, each of us kids would get a small stipend from the parents; some pocket money to buy souvenirs or treats, whatever struck our fancy. I remember strolling through gift shops and five-and-dimes, candy stores and truck stops. And yet, above all the sugary treats and toys, t-shirts and stuffed animals, I would inevitably come away with a brand new pen and notebook. 

Much as it does now, my mind would recite all the words and thoughts and feelings I would capture on those blank pages. All the stories and thoughts and dreams elegantly  scrolled alongside artsy sketches and doodles.

And yet the pages remain blank. Daring me to fill them. Taunting me. 

All my perceived inadequacies once again confirmed when the nightstand drawer opens and the notebook gets tossed inside. Left to be forgotten, neglected. 

As part of Susannah's Blogging from the Heart course, the elusive creative journal has taken center stage. It's time to set aside my fear and insecurity; power through my ridiculous anxiety and anticipation of my own imminent failure.  

This time I'm challenged to set pen on paper, throwing caution to the wind. Time to get past my unrealistic expectations of perfect prose and eloquent epiphanies. After all, who's going to see it but me? 

But then again, I am my own worst critic...

An End and a Beginning

I took part in Susannah's The August Break project last month on my other blog, which I have temporarily taken down for the time being for personal reasons. However, I wanted to start this new blog with my last post. It's a little introduction to me and where I am at this point in my life and my creative path...

The End

Through The August Break project, I discovered Susannah Conway's this i know: notes on unraveling the heart. I devoured the pages in 2 days, finding hope and strength in Susannah's story. Although I have yet to experience that depth of loss in my lifetime, I have had my fair share of tough times. Pain. Disappointment. Failure. Fear. I thank her for sharing her story, and allowing others to find rays of hope even in the most trying circumstances.

For obvious reasons, the title of today's song pick fits with the final day of the project. But some of the lyrics struck a particularly raw nerve. 

Help me see myself

'Cause I can no longer tell

Ugh. I suppose it's time for the dreaded self-portrait...

What do I see? 

Sadness. 

Stress. 

Worry. 

Exhaustion. 

I see someone who longs for more out of life. Longs for inspiration and purpose. Someone whose face is etched with life's struggles and pain. 

If anything, this journey brought me back to the present. Back to what is important. Back to being more aware of my surroundings. Back in touch with my creative side. And finally, and perhaps most importantly, back to reality.

Thank you to Susannah, and all the folks who participated in this project over the course of the last 31 days. Sharing your photos and stories has been both powerful and empowering. 

The End.

(lyrics)

What were all those dreams we shared
Those many years ago?
What were all those plans we made
Now left beside the road?
Behind us in the road

More than friends I always pledged
Cause friends they come and go
People change as does everything
I wanted to grow old
Just want to grow old

Slide on next to me
I'm just a human being
I will take the blame
But just the same
This is not me
You see
Believe
I'm better than this

Don't leave me so cold
Or buried beneath the stones
I just want to hold on
And know I'm worth your love
Enough
I don't think
There's such a thing

It's my fault, Now I been caught
A sickness in my bones
How it pains to leave you here
With the kids on your own
Just don't let me go

Help me see myself
Cause I can no longer tell
Looking out from the inside of
The bottom of a well
It's hell
I yell
But no one hears

Before I disappear
Whisper in my ear
Give me something to echo
In my unknown futures ear

My dear
The End
Comes near
I'm here
But not much longer

Released: September 20, 2009
ARTIST: Pearl Jam