I don't think anyone who knows me would argue that I am a dreamer. Some may go as far as to say I'm a fantasist. And a small few who are closest to me would say I’m completely delusional (but that's a whole other topic).
Here’s the thing…I am rapidly approaching my forty-first birthday, and while not a monumental year, I feel it's time that I finally begin to lay the foundation of a plan.
A plan for a complete life change.
Admittedly, this may be a "mid-life" crisis of sorts. Yet I am beginning to realize that more than a few women of a certain age experience similar feelings of "what do I want to be when I grow up?"
In fact, I had a conversation about this with two friends over the weekend, and we were all nodding our heads in agreement. But not one of us knew what to do about it. While it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this mindset - that by forty it’s Okay to not have everything figured out - it’s still unsettling.
My fear is that, knowing myself and my “grass-is-greener” tendencies, what I think I want may not actually turn out to be the case. Or that it’s not realistic. Or it’s just plain selfish. It’s this fear, and the possibility of failure, that hold me back. Well, that and a lack of a plan. To be honest, I don’t even know where to start. So, I’ll start with what I know…
In fact, I had a conversation about this with two friends over the weekend, and we were all nodding our heads in agreement. But not one of us knew what to do about it. While it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this mindset - that by forty it’s Okay to not have everything figured out - it’s still unsettling.
My fear is that, knowing myself and my “grass-is-greener” tendencies, what I think I want may not actually turn out to be the case. Or that it’s not realistic. Or it’s just plain selfish. It’s this fear, and the possibility of failure, that hold me back. Well, that and a lack of a plan. To be honest, I don’t even know where to start. So, I’ll start with what I know…
· I know I need a change.
· I know what I am doing now is not sustainable.
· I know depression, anxiety, & exhaustion are signs of danger.
· I know what I love, and love to do.
· I know what motivates me.
· I know my strengths and my weaknesses.
· I know situations in which I thrive.
· I know that when I am at my best, I am energetic and excited.
The problem is I just don’t know how to take all of that and make a living from it.
7 comments:
I love this post- it's so true we do tend to look around us and wonder about new possibilities when we reach a certain time of our life :)
Love this. Have you seen 'The Shift?' It's so great on our move from living with all the ambition we have in the early part of our life and move in to more meaning in the 'afternoon'.
And I'd love to hear more about your journey to living and working what you love.
x
I was a little bit older than you when I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Your list is a great beginning place. I look forward to reading about what's to come.
Oh my god, I'm not the only one who feels like this then? Thank you for sharing. And if you ever figure it out, please let me know! xx
love what you've written here...and the other comments. i recently began to realize that the "one day" that's always been a part of my "maybe one day i'll....{fill in the blank}" thoughts, is right now. not tomorrow, but today. {have you read "the fire starter sessions" by danielle laporte? i'm sloooowly making my way through it. if you haven't heard of it - check it out. i think you would like it!}
This is so true, finding a way to make a living from our dreams and passions can be a struggle. I hope you find your way through this to something that works for you.
I love this and can relate. I always thought I'd figure it out "someday," but the somedays are running out at my age. I'm beginning to realize that I can still do the things I've dreamed of, but most likely won't make any money at it. That's ok right now, but Sweetheart, whatever it is you think you want, give it a try! I know it doesn't seem like it, but from my view you're really very young, so you can always change you mind! Let the journey begin, whatever twists and turns the path may take! xoxo
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